Dear Future "Forever",

Dear Future "Forever", 

I know it's possible that you might not come around anymore. Heck, I'm freaking twenty-seven in three months! Anyway, I still hope and pray that my forever with you would still come true. 

If you ever happen to come across this blog entry, I want you to know that from the moment I said yes, that I wanted to be your girlfriend or someone special; I'm already promising you my heart. That I'm giving you all the right to do whatever you wanna do with it. But please, if you ever hurt it, I hope that you don't really intend to do it. And promise me, that if ever it get scarred, please heal it?

I am a woman, I get moody at times. Most of the time, in fact. Even if I don't intentionally bicker and get annoyed with you, I wouldn't be able to help it. Especially those days of the month. You know what I mean, right? Right. Just please be patient with me. Don't ever shout at me. Or if you do, because I would understand after maybe a few minutes that what I did was wrong, please don't let me say sorry first? I wanna feel how to be wooed. I wanna feel loved and secured. I have longed and waited years for that to happen. Please make it happen?

Also, I am a lady with too many insecurities. Yes, I am aware that I do have a pretty face. Friends and even people I come across to, would often remind me of that but I don't really believe it. Know what? You'd be the only one to make me believe. So aside from reminding me of how much you love and cherish me, please don't forget to make me feel how important I am to you and that even if you're looking and appreciating other girl's beauty, you'd only want to spend your everyday and forever with me? More than the verbal praises and I love you's, that's what I would need to be secured. 

I was never "maluho". I am more of a giver. I enjoy giving gifts more than receiving anything. Sometimes, not thanking me would be fine as long as I could see sincere appreciation in your eyes, I'd be good. But still, a girl can dream. I dreamed of having a romantic dinner with you. Doesn't have to be in a fancy restaurant. A picnic basket, romantic view (city lights look great), and blanket of the night sky are enough for me. Kahit isaw, pares at barbeque na dugo lang ayos na sa akin eh. Just cuddle me, hold me close to your heart as we watch the city lights and the stars, that's romantic enough for me. 

Don't get mad if I'd text you too many times a day. Or if I get too clingy. That only shows I could not spend a day without knowing you are okay. That you eat your meal at the right time. That you are safe. I just wanted to make sure that you still remember me. It doesn't mean that I get jealous or paranoid that you might be with another woman. It's how I express my affection. I worry, yes. I do that just because. 

I don't spy, I stalk. Plus, I don't go through messages on your phone. You could ask me to hold your phone while you go to the gents, you might not have a lock code on your phone, but expect that I highly respect your privacy. I'm not the type of girlfriend who'd ask for your social media accounts' logins. No, that's not me. But I expect the same from you. Moreover, make sure that you are not keeping anything from me. I might be too lenient, but I do believe with my instinct. It never failed me up to this date. 

Don't worry, I don't usually get jealous. Not when I feel that someone has something for you. I'd trust you with my whole life. But just never break it. Once I trust someone, it could go on 'til eternity. Once you break it though, you break everything. You' d break my faith, you'd break the love I have for you. Heck, I'd be damn broken beyond repair. But, be patient. If ever that happens, just be patient. It might take time for me to heal, but I would never leave your side. So, I'm hoping you'd do the same for me. I would never give up on you. I'd try to rebuild the trust and love that we once had. If you really love me, you'd stay and wait for me. 

Even before you ask me to meet "The Parents", I'd appreciate it if you'd introduce me to your faith. I've dreamt of going to a Sunday Mass with you. I' d love to hear you say to God, out loud, that I was the girl you were praying for and waiting for. Because believe it or not, I'd do the same. Because I prayed for you too. I cried nights and nights asking God to give me you. And finally, you're here. 

There'll be moments that I would not say how much I love you. I'm not really vocal with my feelings. I usually keep it to myself. But I'll try very hard. I know how important it is for you to hear it coming from me. At times, you'd notice me being too quiet without any idea why. Give me a few minutes to cool down and I'd let you know if there was a problem. Don't force me to tell you right away because there are times that I just wanna be silent. I just like to feel the comfortable silence between us two. Being with you, right next to you, is something I wanna cherish for the rest of my life, that's why I'm being too quiet. As dramatic as it may sound, that's how I am. 

I've also dreamed of flying on a balloon with you. I'm afraid of heights but I wanna feel the cool breeze on my face, with your arm snaked around my waist. I wanna hear you whisper in my ear that everything is fine, that you are with me and nothing bad will happen as I slowly open my eyes and face my fears. 

My father could be intimidating. And I mean all the time. He'd keep asking you how you would feed me, what's your current job, on what school did you graduate and if you ever graduated in college. Please, understand him. He's been through a lot in life as a man, a brother and as a father. He just wanted my best interest and I know that you feel the same way as he is. Just prove him how much you love me, that you are responsible enough to make a living for our future family. That's enough for him. 

This is getting too long now. But before I end this "letter" or "time-capsule" or whatever, one last thing. If ever you are planning of starting our forever, I also wished not something extravagant. I wouldn't that for a proposal. Something intimate and sincere is what I prefer. I'd rather have you propose to me inside your car, with so much love pouring out of your eyes than be in a stadium filled with too many people but not feel the love you have for me at all because you're nervous-wrecked to do everyhing perfectly. No need for you to deliver sweet-nothings which are all scripted. I'd love to hear anything from you, if it comes from your heart, not out of your mind. 

If you ever arrived, everything on this letter doesn't matter anymore. As long as I have you. As long as you love me for me, as much I love you for you. As long as you love my imperfections, as much as I hated them, I'm good. 

Sincerely loving you, 
Your Future "Sarah/Forever"